1. |
Hi, Welcome!
01:23
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And if you're just joining us
Welcome my friend
Stay until the end
And if you're still with us
We've got quite a show
Planned for you, you know
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2. |
Dairy Aisle
00:56
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Trapped behind
The dairy aisle
To avoid talking to my friend’s mom
Until she leaves
I’ll sell some cheese
So now I guess I work here
Wedged between
The milk and cream
Cause I’m not in the mood for small talk
To my chagrin
She settles in
Her book club friend
Rolled round the bend
And they shoot the breeze
Among the cheese
So now I guess I’m stuck here
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3. |
Cheetos
01:05
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Here is this bag
Of Cheetos I have
Saved for a special occasion
That will come soon
They represent
My achievements I
Won them for being a good boy
Cleaning my room
No I won’t
Give you Cheetos I
Earned them fair and square
Growing up
Ain’t worth having to
Compromise and share
I prefer
In my bubble it’s
Filled with cheesy snacks
To eat around the fact
I won’t amount to jack
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4. |
Car Keys
01:33
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Goddamn
Have you seen
What I did
With my car keys?
I need them for
A trip to the hardware store
Spackle and a putty knife
Patching up the holes in my brain
Oh hell
I lost it
My shoes and
My wallet
Every door
I walk through anymore
Makes my memory terminate
I need it for
The computer store
Mental software needs updates
Patching up the holes in my brain
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5. |
Howie Scream
01:10
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Kicked out from
A locomotive
And plummet to my death
Discover
A murdered body
Claw hammer to the head
Live and die
Live again
Through the airwaves
Though I cry in
Wrenching pain I’ll
Never be saved
A bar fight
Thrown through a window
He stabbed me in the heart
Flung into
A snowy crevasse
Dogs tore this house apart
Live and die
Live again
Through the airwaves
Though I cry in
Wrenching pain I’ll
Never be given rest
Always fall
To my death
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6. |
Graphorrhea
01:39
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My special talent is
Thinking I am valid
Bright and full of insight
I’m Dunning-Krugering
Prattling and proving
Mental efforts pretty light
No one gives a shit
But still I’m saying it
I can’t help myself
I have thoughts, share the wealth
Again
I always have the best thing to say
No moment left unheard
Never ever for a second even considering
If silence is preferred
No one gives a shit
But still I’m saying it
I can’t help myself
I have thoughts, share the wealth
Yeah
No one gives a shit
But I keep writing it
All my thoughts are dumb
Diarrhea of the thumbs
Again
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7. |
Ode To Gene Ray
01:56
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The scientists invited me to MIT
they finally believe me
These educated stupids won’t know what hit them
They ignore the four days
Snotbrain oneist minds
Man is only quarter of God
I defy you to prove me wrong that
God is only quarter of Man
What part don’t you understand?
Society is unprepared for cubic time
But when they do they’ll realize that
I’m the wisest human who figured it out
Man’s four day creation
In one Earth rotation
Opposites defeat dumb
Brilliant oneist minds
Man is only quarter of God
I defy you to prove me wrong that
God is only quarter of Man
What part don’t you understand?
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8. |
Instant Revenge
01:12
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You’re locked in a moment that you can’t escape
A fight to the death whose fate you couldn’t care less
You look for a thing to keep you entertained
And stand at the edge of chaos just to hold interest
His humiliation you made now ignites
A shame and a rage that needs an instant revenge
In life and the TV screen he’ll choose a fight
And rains down a punishment on your head
All my life I never guessed
Games could be so serious
Immature jokes will get you punched
In the chest
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9. |
Septuagenarians
01:27
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We’ve been owned by
Septuagenarians
Beaten down by
Someone’s grandparents
Our will be damned
Until we gain the experience
Out of our grasp
Withheld by elderly sadists
Young man when I was your age
We worshipped Reagan
We’ve been owned by
Septuagenarians
Beaten down by
Someone’s grandparents
Rules are rendered
Dumb, mean, and deadly
By those who get
Discounts at Denny’s
Yeah
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10. |
Kitty Kat
01:41
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Gracious and keen
Sleek majesty
You’re king of your own mind
Poised yet absurd
Can’t find the words
By which you’re well defined
He leaves my thoughts
Twisted in knots
‘Til all I can reply
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
He leaves my thoughts
Twisted in knots
No rational reply
Escapes my thought
The moment I’m caught
By the twinkle in your eye
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
You are a kitty kat
Meow
Meow
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11. |
Circle Back & Touch Base
01:59
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Days when my brain goes
on autopilot
Tend to be spent unread
But something the boss wants
Means a response must
Float through my foggy head
(t’s easy to tune out through
A thirty thousand foot view
I’m moving the needle
I’m switching gears to
Look like their needs are met
But my exposition’s
Empty nutrition
Starve on a full stomach
My thoughts on the matter end
The moment that I hit Send
In case I just spewed some
Confusing bullshit
We’ll circle back and touch base
I’ll take it into consideration
I’ll take it into consideration
I’ll take it into consideration
Circle back and touch base
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12. |
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The dullest man in the world
Revealed to me his philosophy
He said “I’ll laugh when I am dead”
But that’s not a thing that anyone says
So I guess when the Fates have snipped his thread
I’ll dig him up to see who’s laughing now
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13. |
String
01:53
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t’s forbidden
For some reason I
Am denied my prize
I’m a hunter
I won’t rest till I
Have made something die
Tunnel vision on my enemy
Feline instincts coursing through me
I beseech you, give me the string
I remind you if I bite you, you’ll
Go to the ER
Weigh your options, if you’re obstinate
I’ll make your life hard
In my life I need just one thing
Murder instincts coursing through me
I beseech you, give me the string
Tunnel vision on my enemy
Feline instincts coursing through me
I demand you give me the string
Tunnel vision on my enemy
Feline instincts coursing through me
I beseech you, give me the string
In this life I want just one thing
I demand you give me the string
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14. |
Beeline
02:02
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Abroad in a foreign land
Nomadic and without Internet
A well traveled and learned man
Wonders when “there” becomes “here” again
Arrivals and jittered nerves
Ignoring the airport gloom
Can never forget that face
A beacon across the room
I’ll make a beeline to you
I’ll bend your ear like we do
Carousing and catching up
Since living on different continents
Remember the times that past
Realize I forgot the sentiment
Return to our well-worn stomping grounds
The meaning has left this place
Torn up that now you have turned into
A stranger that shares your face
We gotta live our own lives
I grew up to accept that’s fine
No matter how much we change
Whenever our paths align
I’ll make a beeline to you
I’ll bend your ear like we do
I’ll make a beeline to you
I’ll bend your ear like we do
Every time there’s something new
Yeah I’ll keep you clued in
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15. |
Fantasy Implications
00:57
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It’s Sunday afternoon and football’s on now
But my home team isn’t playing til Monday
I could not care less which team comes out on top
As long as my receiver gets his touchdown
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! x2
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16. |
Gullible Glen
01:59
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Glen withdrew his savings for some online friend
He still thinks he’ll ever see that cash again
You are an idiot to believe that
You are an idiot to believe that
He’s convinced the waitress is in love with him
Just because he told two jokes that made her grin
Life for Glen is easy, he can’t hear a lie
I am his advisor I constantly reply:
Only an idiot would believe that
Only an idiot would believe that
You are an idiot to believe that
You are an idiot to believe that
Princes don’t email some dude in Cleveland
Strippers aren’t into you they just pretend
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17. |
Sleepcry
01:49
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Gonna take control
Gonna lucid dream
Even when prepared
It’s a freaky scene
Logic is relaxed
But consequence remains
Get me outta here
To escape the pain
Throw me a line from the other side
Gotta help myself so I sleepcry
Jolted awake in a cold sweat and yet
Instant relief that I’m reset
Check my limbs and head
Everything’s still there
Not an amputee
No one shaved my hair
My friends are still alive
I’m not going to jail
Everything is fine
The conscious world prevails
Jolted awake in a cold sweat and yet
Instant relief that I’m reset
Counting my blessings that I survived
But why does my brain mutilate me each night
Throw me a line from the other side
Gotta help myself so I sleepcry
Jolted awake in a cold sweat and yet
Instant relief that I’m reset
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18. |
Ipecac
01:57
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Fight the feelings of nausea
Bubbling waves, stomach to brain
Every argument, every damaging word
I ever heard
Flows with fury from your lips through me and it’s
Making me sick
It’s comin’ up
You make me yak like a bottle of ipecac
A softer poison that often is just as bad
That’s why your doctor no longer suggests using that
You’re obsolete my dear
It’s been forever since I felt a certain peace
That lets me keep it down
You say I’m melodramatic I say it’s true
I tel you through a doggy bag
You make me yak like a bottle of ipecac
A softer poison that often is just as bad
That’s why your doctor no longer suggests using a
Medicine that needs a whole song
To describe why it belongs on
Overly elaborate metaphors
You’re a cliche my dear
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19. |
Inflatable Pool
01:10
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So here’s the rundown:
My neighbor is maddening
He just got his own swimming pool
Above ground
It’s inflatable, keeps him cool
Oh the splashing and laughter’s a constant reminder…
I’m stuck inside
I don’t want to be here no more
Sweaty and trapped up in my second floor, unit with no outdoor space
[RANT]
Oh I’ve got bad news for you Kevin
Yeah I don’t care if you’re 11…
I’m gonna pop your stupid pool
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20. |
Get To The Good Part
01:51
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Now I’m sweating bullets and crave a laugh
Miscalculated my audience
It’s been forever since I’ve in fact
Seen what I stand here and recommend
I put it on a pedestal
As the height of art
Distaste or bored indifference
Instantly will drain my heart
Get to the good part as I described
It’s going to take an eternity
Scan your reaction for signs of life
Is this the last time you’ll take me at my word?
I never should have bared my soul
Through my taste in art
Who knew that stupid videos
Dug so deep inside my heart?
Get to the good part as I described
It’s going to take an eternity
Maybe I’ll rebound or maybe die
One things for sure you’re not asking me again
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21. |
Edward James Olmos
01:04
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found an unlikely ally
While stranded on the 405
There was no time to be starstruck
He stood and delivered in record time
When Edward James Olmos repaired my tires
I thanked him as much as I could
With idiot confidence I replied
And said he was great in Deadwood
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22. |
Nihilist's Bar Anthem
00:07
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yeah I guess I’ll take a shot
nothing matters and everyone dies
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23. |
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Midnight, at the crossroads
Old Scratch has a bar
You pay with your spirit
They don’t take credit card
My soul is no good here
He won’t make a deal
O Lord, save this cheapskate
Cause the devil is real
And I owe him cash
Eight dollars max
One stinkin beer
Man it sucks here
But I’ve got a strategy
An ace up my sleeve
To right all my wrongs
With one clever deed
See, I know a fiddler
He’s in on my deal
Good news for my pocketbook
Cause the devil is real
And he owes me cash
Including tax
A meager deal
But keep in mind
Beelzebub
Always pays his fines
Can you say the same
When hell’s on the line
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24. |
TV Prop Blender
01:44
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Pad Thai lime in my gin & tonic
In an old pickle jar
The phrase “reduce reuse recycle”
I’ve never taken more to heart
On the street
There’s a sign
“Free Stuff”
Filming wrapped
And the spoils
Are mine
TV prop blender
I’ll take you home
You’ll fit in so snugly
With my old junk
In your failed television pilot
You sat unused on the shelf
Through my good fortunes
At long last I can
Never use you myself
To tell the truth
You’re the twelfth blender
To Grace the halls
Of my stuff empire
TV prop blender (TV prop blender)
You’re more than just junk (More than just junk)
But maybe you’ll fit best (Maybe you’ll fit best)
Tossed in my trunk
It don’t count as hoarding
If I know where you are
TV prop blender you’re the star
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25. |
Intercepted Empathy
02:22
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What’s the harm there
We’re buried in her bills
She never changed her mail
Instantly I felt the air change
Read a note not meant for me
Of grim condolence for a friend
I’ve intercepted empathy
So yeah there’s the harm in that
I could always say that
We share the same vet
True but that’s an afterthought
It’s clear to me that i transgressed
Regardless of return address
Absconded with a tribute to her dog
So yeah there’s the harm in that
If I hope to prevent an ironic punishment
I must find her to right my wrongs
Or else some tool will apprehend
The sympathy that vets extend
When my letter comes
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26. |
Thanks, Bye!
02:28
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If you’re just joining us where have you been?
Play it back again
And if you’re still with us we’re glad that you stayed
Through this mess we made
Then when the last chord fades
into the silence you’re
Left with your own thoughts that
Fester until you’ve got
Worms in your brain
That burrow through your remains
Savor a sweet tune you
Cant take it with you it
Cant be avoided so
Sit and enjoy it, please
Savor a sweet tune you
Cant take it with you it
Cant be avoided so
Sit and enjoy it, I
Cant say the same
The feeling has been drained
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Tiger Castle Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
"Music that makes you wanna play Tony Hawk's Pro Skater."
Power pop but dumber, pop punk without
the baggage. If you like harmonized guitar leads, fast dense songs, sometimes being really dreamy, air-guitaring at the back of the basement show crowd, Jeff Rosenstock, Rozwell Kid, Diarrhea Planet, or PUP, you'll probably like us. Go Birds.
... more
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